What you left me
by AngieOnPluto
Summary: "What you left me" is a letter written by Eiji, 7 years after the end of the story. Be aware, it contains a lot of spoiler (basically the end of both the Manga and the anime.) It's a text full of sadness and regret, about a love that doesn't want to fade away.


**Please read everything, it's important.**

Hello everyone :)

To give you the context on how this thing's born, you have to know that I was in an emotional pain

Some hours ago, I watched the last episode of Banana Fish..

And well.. I wasn't ready, nobody was i think.

So I read the last volume of the manga, and i'm even more broken.

So, this little text (which is probably full of mistakes, since i'm French and tired) have been created after I read the epilogue of Banana Fish.

If you haven't read it yet, i highly recommend you to.

So, be aware, i'm obviously going to spoil the end (of both the manga and the anime, since it's almost the same.)

And if you have some questions about anything, I reas so many articles that I probably can answer them, feel free to ask them :)

Well.. Now i'm leaving you with this, a letter from Eiji, seven years after... You know..

Hope you'll like it.

~

You died alone in your own house, far away from me and from home.

Out of my reach.

If only I knew..

If only I told you.

If.. If..

If everything weren't already planned, If people weren't loving dramas that much.

We might have got a happy ending.

You know what ? We should have got one. You deserved it.

All we needed were a little bit of luck.

But no.

A bad timing. An emotional letter.

Are all we got.

Ash, If only..

I wouldn't have taken this plane.

I would have find you, even if I couldn't walk, because I knew where you were.

Since I always managed to.

I should have give you this letter hand by hand.

I would have wait for your answer, watching you crying like a little kid, because with all of this you didn't get the chance to be one.

I would have cried with you, carrying the second plane ticket in my hand.

Your ticket.

Your one way ticket destinated to freedom, and happiness.

I would have explained to you, how much you matter to me. The fact that you were no longer alone, that you are my everything.

I would have hug you, whispering in your ears that "you will be fine. It's all over. We can be together now. I won't die."

I won't die.

You were always so scared of loosing me, and that's probably why you didn't want to see me at the airport. Because the idea of going with me would have knocked to the door of your heart, and you would have opened it.

That's what should have happened.

You would have come with me.

I would have taught you so many other words, so many new way to say "I love you." In my language, one that would have become yours.

Because I love you.

And I still do, 7 years after the end of our world.

I can't believe it.

7 years, already ?

But it still feels like it was yesterday.

You know, sometimes, i'm walking in those streets that we traveled, once, holding guns in our hands, escaping Dino and his mans.

And then, I see you in strangers.

Sometimes, I run into some tall guys, with blond, shiny hair, and I try to reach out to them.

I raise my hand.

But when they turn around,

They're not you.

And I have to watch my hand slowly falling, and those backs walking away.

And then I remember.

That you're gone.

There's a part of me that know it, or I wouldn't be here writing this letter. But the other one.. Still wish that you'll come back.

You're Aslan, after all.

The little Aslan, who's afraid of pumpkins and who love eating shrimps.

You can't die.

You just don't know how to.

So why..

Why when Lao stabbed you, instead of going to the hospital or even to the airport, wishing to see me one last time, why did you go to the library ?

It wasn't supposed to be the end.

This letter I wrote you, weren't supposed to be seen as a "Sa-yo-na-ra".

It was an "I'll meet you again".

It was a promise.. Of a new start, far away from sufferings.

It really was..

So why...

Ash... Why...

After all of this..

You were finally able to live a normal life, the one you always dreamed of.

So why did you give up ?

Arthur was dead.

Dino was dead.

You were free, for the first time in your life.

No more enemies.

No more fight.

Well, they were still one left.

You should have fight, one last time.

Against death.

It would have been the last fight, and then..

I would have met you,

In this library,

And you could be born again.

But now, I can't even come close to this place.

I can't.

It's just, too painful..

Like when I see you in my dreams.

I said that my soul will always be with you, but it seems that the opposite happened.

You're still with me.

I still feel you.

Every morning I hear your laugh when I take my coffee.

Every night I hear your "good night" and I can only fall asleep if I think about your arms holding me tightly.

Sing say that it's not good.

That you have to let me go, now.

But he don't understand, that it's not your fault if you're still very very present.

It's all because of me.

It's because I can't forgive myself, for not being with you until the end.

For not doing everything I could to never let you go.

And I can't forgive you, for giving up that easily.

Even so.. I'm good like this, because I can't imagine a world without you at all.

And I might never be happy like I used to, I might have lost the Eiji that you met.

Don't worry, it's okay.

I'll be okay.

I have to.

For you, for everything you worked hard on, for all the punched you took, all the bullets you received, all of your bruises and your pain.

I will honor all of that.

I will live, a very long life.

Alone, but never lonely.

Because you will always be by my side.

Right, Ash ?

-Eiji

(PS: I really miss you, Baka.)


End file.
